I'll Say Goodbye for the Two of Us
by Melodie Mayfair
Summary: Tears filled her eyes, loneliness would fill the rest of her life...for her fate had already been decided. (A sad, touching one-shot songfic. Check out it's sequel "When the Truth Breaks the Silence")


fanfiction

Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No infringement intended, though.

No money, so don't bother to sue

Authors notes: This is my first fic but I don't expect you to be gentle. Feedback of any kind is welcome.

Most stuff since Syaoran's departure I've invented.

Any corrections in names or whatsoever please do. English is not my first language so I have some trouble while writing.

The words in italics are fragments of a song which inspired me to write this fic. "I'll say goodbye for the two of us" by Expose is that song. I'm also using it unauthorized.

Enjoy!!

"I'll say goodbye for the two of us"

by cherry blossom

_"When youwake up, and find me gone tomorrow_

_Don't think I meant to hurt you_

I just did what we knew I had to do…

His breathing was all she could hear. Easy, regular breaths coming from the sleeping body of Li Syaoran. His arms around his cherry blossom and a content smile on his face, he seemed obliviousto what was about to happen.

Kinomoto Sakura watched him lovingly, thinking about how cute he looked in sleep. His face unpreoccupied, as though everythingwas exactly the way it should be. She checked the alarm-clock on the night table beside the bed. 3:45 AM, it read. She snuggled deeper in his arms, wishing she could stay that way forever. 15 minutes to go, she thought sadly. Her heart feeling as if it would shatter into a million pieces any second now, she relieved the incidents of the last few months…

It had all started on their first night together. 18-year-old Sakura had come for dinner at Syaoran'splace as she so often did. This night, however, ended differently and changed the world as Sakura knew it. She had shown up unexpected, since she was pretty bored and decided to swing by and visit her boyfriend. Syaoran had seemedutterly surprised, though extremely pleased.

"I was just going to prepare dinner" he said "Want to stay?"

"You cooking?" she asked teasingly "How do I know your not going to poison the food?"

"You'll have to trust me" he said in a mysterious voice

So she stayed.

He cooked and they had a great time at dinner. After they had finished, she helped him wash the dishes. While she washed, he dried. Accidentally, she splashed with a little water so he splashed back. In no time, they were in a water-war. Sakura smiled, remembering the playful, romantic scene. She had started running around, trying to keep out from the water's reach. Eventually he had caught her, pinned her on a wall and started kissing her. She kissed back passionately demanding for more. At some point, they went to the bedroom and ended up in bed. It had been wonderful and they couldn't have been happier. 

Until they finally fell asleep…

_…And all the time we knew,_

_Time was never right for us, time does leave this love behind_

_I could never leave you, maybe if I see you cry…_

_ _

It was the most terrifying dream they has ever had. They knew it wasn't ordinary because they had shared it and got nasty little souvenirs…

In the dream they had been flying. Not helped by a Clow Card ,or magic of any kind, they just soared through the sky, holding hands. Higher and higher they went, until they reached outer space. It was beautiful, Sakura thought, just me and my little wolf surrounded by stars. At some point, however, things started changing. Earth, which had looked magnificent so far,started showing great explosions and storms. The card mistress could almost hear the screams from the desperate people below. Then other planets started changing in the same way and the stars were slowly loosing their glow. A now whimpering Sakura, held tight on to his little wolf as the changes came to an end, leaving nothing but cold darkness. Both tried to use magic, but it wasn't any good. Her wand and his sword simply refused to take their real forms.

"What's going on?!" she cried "Why are we here and why is our magic not working??"

"I know as much as you do" replied Syaoran trying to keep calm "Don't worry, we'll figure this out"

In that moment they both heard a voice:

"This is what will happen if you continue together. Your destiny is other and you'll be responsible for this if you ignore that"

Then they were driven apart by an unknown force that slashed every time they tried to get close. It was getting more painful by the second, but they wouldn't stop their attempts. She felt like she was about to faint and then…

She hit the floor . She opened her eyes and saw she was lying beside Syaoran´s bed, in cold sweat and trembling from hand to foot.

"Are you okay??!!" asked a Syaoran who looked no better than she did.

"I-I think so…" she replied in a soft voice. He helped her up to bed.

"It was only a dream" he said in soothing voice.

"It was more than that" she said firmly "People don't go around sharing dreams!!"

"We are connected by a special bond that-

"Don't give me that crap, ´cause I'm not buying it!! Look at me! I have scars were I was slashed and-

"YOU FELL OFF THE BED!! It's only normal you got hurt!" he shouted

"There's nothing sharp enough to give me these wounds!!" she retorted now really angry.

"IT´S NOTHING,SO CUT IT OUT!!!!" he shouted in such a loud voice she flinched and tears started forming in her eyes. Realizing what he had done, he pulled her close whispering "I'm sorry!! I didn't mean to shout to you, I was just trying to make you feel better, I didn't want…. never, not to hurt you…" She merely kissed him on his neck, afraid she would burst into tears if she spoke. He understood and started running his hand trough her hair until they both calmed down. "We'll work this out, my love, it will be okay, I promise"

She had buried her head in his chest, wishing with all her might that he was right, but knowing in her heart, that he wasn't.

_…I'll say goodbye for the two of us_

_Tonight, while you sleep_

_I'll kiss you softly one last time and say goodbye_

_Luck I know we both_

_There's just no other way, and I couldn't bear to see you another day_

So I'll wait till you're asleep to say goodbye…

_ _

A single tear escaped her eye as she remembered this. She hadn't slept for weeks after the dream and nothing Syaoran said would make her feel any better. It's not that she didn't appreciate what he did. She was thankful for all his support, but couldn't help thinking that it hadn't affected him as it did to her. And that couldn't be a good sign.

She checked the watch again. 4.01 AM. She sighed, a familiar pain in her chest as she slowly, steadily started to move away from her love.

When she had freed herself from his embrace she got out of bed and started with her plan. She sighed again, thinking about how many times she had done this in the last few weeks. Almost an every-night ritual it had seemed, to get out of bed, start gathering her things, shed some tears and return back to bed, telling herself tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow. This night would be different, her heart was telling her so. This night she would complete the plan, not return like a coward. 

You're being a coward this way too… an annoying little voice in her head told her

I am not!!!, she told the voice angrily this is the best way, no, the _only_ way to do this

The little voice didn't seem to have a reply to this, so it left Sakura alone. She continued packing distractedly until something caught her eye. The drawer of the night table was slightly open and she could see a small card (not a Clow Card, just an ordinary one) sticking out a bit. She reached for and a half-smile appeared on her face as she recognized it…

_… Just with our lives, how hard it is to do things_

I'm trying to make it through this

_Say goodbye is just a sadly end…_

_ _

She had received it on her fifteenth birthday and it was the best present ever. Not because of the card, but because of what it read…

That sunny fourth of April had started as any other. The alarm-clock went off and Sakura groaned under the covers time to get up already??, she had thought. She hadn't made a move when Kero pulled down the covers and started singing "Happy Birthday to you" with great care, as if he had been practicing.

"I didn't know you could sing, Kero-chan" she said as she got out of bed

"Tomoyo has been teaching me and she says I have a great voice" Kero replied quite proudly, once he had finished the song.

"I'm sure you do" she said.

"Do I smell cake?" he asked hopefully. Sakura went to the hallway and sniffed the air. Sure enough, a soft scent of chocolate filled the air. She laughed, trust Kero to notice the most imperceptible smell as long as it was of food.

"I'll bring you some later" she said. Kero gave her a BIG smile and returned to his drawer, wanting to sleep some more. Sakura finished getting dressed and went downstairs.

As soon as she entered the kitchen she was greeted by her father and brother, who congratulated her for her birthday. Then her father placed an enormous piece of chocolate cake in front of her and they started eating. Then Sakura remembered Tomoyo had asked her to meet in the park before schooland she was already late. She ate as fast as she could, her brother obviously not refraining from his usual comment ("I didn't know monsters could eat that fast"), and excused herself from the table.

As she roller bladed to the park (yes, she still does that) she wondered why Tomoyo had asked her to meet her there. As she caught sight of the swings she felt sad, they always reminded her of the day when her beloved Syaoran had listened to her and helped her be happy again after her confession to Yukito. She shook, her head, as though trying to shake the feeling as well and entered the park. She looked for Tomoyo, but she was nowhere to be seen. She resigned and sat at a bench just beside a Sakura tree. She let her eyes wander over the tree and saw a small envelope stuck in one of it's branches. She took it. It was blank, but she could see there was a card inside. She opened it and examined the card. It was a very simple, white card and it only had to words: "I'm back"

"What the-…" Sakura started saying but never finished because she felt two arms grabbing her by the waist, hugging her. She didn't have to turn round to know who it was, she would have recognized the green aura anywhere. It belonged to the person she loved most…

"Syaoran!!!" she cried as she turned and locked him in a breath-taking kiss. When they were done, she hugged him.

"I guess somebody missed me…" he said teasingly.

"You wouldn'tknow how much!!" she whispered

"Believe me I would" he replied and they separated at last.

"Why are you here?" she asked.

"To make sure you have the happiest birthday of your life" he responded "I see you got my card"

"It's the most beautiful-

"Then you know I'm back" he said "for good"

Sakura burst into tears of happiness and joy ,andlet out the loneliness of the four years they had been apart, as she hugged him fiercely. They had stayed that way for a while, as though never wanting to let go…

_…I can't, please try and understand_

_This time's just not the time for us_

_We knew I couldn't stay_

_But that don't make it easier to leave you_

So that I can find the strength… 

_ _

Sakura looked at herself in the mirror. A slim, auburn-haired girl stared back at her. Her evergreen eyes, usually warm and happy, reflected anguish and sorrow at a point that scared her. She thought about his eyes, those amber eyes she loved. What would they reflect when he found her gone in the morning? She would make it, for she knew the reasons. But would he understand? No, she thought sadly, but there was no other choice, she would never convince him to let go. 

Sakura was nearly finished when she remembered something, something she had never told Syaoran. She walked to the closet and pushed open the hidden door. There it was, the teddy bear he had given her right before he returned to Hong Kong. She could remember the scene at the airport as if it had been yesterday. How was she to forget those beautiful eyes, those pools of emotion? She had seen his soul throughout his eyes. They showed a lot of love and a lot of sadness for the lonely times ahead. But more importantly, she had seen a promise, the promise to come back. Distance could never divide two hearts with one beating. As a matter of fact, nothing would, ever. She loved him utterly, mindlessly, and nothing would ever change that. Not even what was forcing her to leave at the very moment…

_…I'll say goodbye for the two of us _

Tonight, while you sleep, I'll kiss you softly one last time and say goodbye…

There was no way she could explain her decision to him. He just wouldn't have understood. True, the dream they had shared and she wouldn't be leaving if it were just that. But there was more, and she had gone through it alone.

What fully formed her decision to leave had happened a few weeks ago on what seemed to be an ordinary day. She had been window-shopping alone when she saw a beautiful dress on a shop. Looking at the price, she knew she couldn't afford it but she couldn't resist the urge to try it on. I wish I hadn't, she thought now…

They hadn't had the dress in her size so the saleswoman told Sakura to accompany her to the back where they would surely find the appropriate. As soon as they got there she fainted and has a vision…

Herself, wearing that dress and standing on the side of a street. Syaoran waving at her and running her way.

"Don't cross the street!!" she yelled "There's a truck coming!!"

But he didn't listen and crossed anyway. The truck hit him and his shout was the last thing she heard. The whole scene changes in a blink.

Sakura found herself still dressed as before but in a graveyard. He could see lots of people around one particular grave, including Tomoyo and Meilling. Fear as sharp as she had never experiencedran through her.Trembling, she approached the group of people and looked at the coffin. Syaoran laid there. Her eyes wide and horrified she contemplated him. Surprisingly, he looked incredibly handsome. She couldn't understand, she had always thought that death took every last of beauty away from people. But there he was. 

Her eyes, refusing to believe what was there, scanned through the other people and she noted something weird. Even while she stood out from the black-dressed cloud (her dress was pale green) nobody seemed to notice her. She waved an arm in front of Tomoyo's face. Nothing. Then she heard a voice, the same voice from the dream she and her love had heard

"This will happen indeed, if you don't follow my advice. I know you are a sensible person and you'll do what's best for all. Leave him or his dead."

"Miss!! Are you okay, miss?!!" said a very worried saleswoman 

"I'm f-fine…" she said "I just need some fresh air…"

And with that she left the shop and headed straight to the park, knowing what she would find. She was right. Hung from the Sakura tree was the dress…

Then she knew instantly what she had to do. The only way…

_…Before your arms embrace me_

_Before your kisses take me_

Before your eyes can make me stay…

_ _

Darkness

Light 

The two more opposite things you could find

Constantly in a silent battle, trying to overwhelm the other.

Opposites, but which couldn't live without each other.

They complemented each other, two halves of a whole.

There is now light without darkness to define it and no dark without light to do the same 

Just like her and her love.

_…"I'll say goodbye for the two of us _

Tonight, while you sleep, I'll kiss you softly one last time and say goodbye Luck I know we both…

Emptiness

Sadness

Anguish

Sorrow

Pain

Emotions raced through her heart as she returned to the bedroom for her final words to him.

_…I'll wait till you're asleep to say goodbye for the two of us_

_Tonight, while you sleep, I'll kiss you softly one last time and say goodbye…_

_Luck I know we both_

_There's just no other way and I couldn't bear to see you another day_

_So I'll wait till you're asleep to say goodbye…_

_ _

She sat beside him. She knew he would hear her, but wouldn't wake up. She had no thought speech. This came from the heart.

"My dearest Syaoran, I'm sorry. What I'm about to do is the hardest thing ever done. 

I don't expect you to understand, but I hope someday you will be able to forgive me… 

_…When you wake up, and find me gone tomorrow…_

_ _

You'll carry on, I promise, and so will I . But remember..

_… Don't think I meant to hurt you…_

_ _

I will always love youwhatever happens…"

Tears filled her eyes, loneliness would fill the rest of her life.

And with her last statement she kissed her endless love goodbye.

"Farewell, my love. My heart is yours, forever"

Everything said, she left the apartment and entered the darkness of the night , which resembled the times ahead of them both…. 

_…Goodbye"_

_ _


End file.
